how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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