He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
