Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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