i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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