i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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