There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
