Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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