She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
