I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
