I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
