Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
