I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
