All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
