You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
