One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
