I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
