When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize