I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
