sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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