What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
this hospital has no fireball
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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