The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
