I wish I only lived at night.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
