It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
