I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Sorry about my life...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
