She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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