can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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