Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
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Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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