just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
