no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
