Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize