I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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