I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
only if we run a train.
done.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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