I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
