Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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