Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just invented taco cereal.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
