So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
