considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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