Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
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I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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