my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
