I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
