Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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