I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
