dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
