They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
