He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
