Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
