My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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