This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
