I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
