Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
