Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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