Michael Bay diarrhea
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
