Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
