Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
