I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
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