Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
