am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
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i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
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No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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