either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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