Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
