yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
