anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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