Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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