is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
