i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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