she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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